Rachel asks: "I can't get a hot guy to talk to me, no matter what I do. They only want to talk to the really gorgeous girls, which I'm not. I'm not ugly though, and I think I'm a pretty cool person with a lot to offer. What do I have to do to get a cute, great guy interested in me?"

Ah, Rachel. I think most young women (and men, for that matter) ask a similar question at some point in their in their youth. Actually, that's not true: I think we all wonder at times why, for whatever reason, some people are more attracted to other people than they are us. I've spoken to women in every age bracket with some variation of this question, so I don't think you're alone in your quest or frustration, nor do I think it an unusual one. If anything, it takes courage to ask something so raw, and for that I applaud you.

To the meat of your question however, there are two answers I can give you:

• If someone doesn't think you're amazing, it's time to focus on the people who think you are; and
• Physical attraction is only one aspect of a romantic relationship, and although very important, not the only factor you need to look at when "trying to get a guy to talk to you".

Let me clarify a bit, starting with the first point. For those of us who aren't stunningly beautiful, who don't stop cars on the street or who don't sport movie-star looks when we roll out of bed, we have to do more than just look good to attract someone. In my opinion, that's a good thing. I'd much rather that someone found me hot because of the way my mind works, how I raise my children, or a twinkle in my eye than my physicality. We look different as we age, and our bodies will likely not remain the same either, so if someone finds me interesting or "hot", I hope it's because of who I am as a person and something that probably won't change much. In turn, I look for these same qualities in anyone I've dated, because they have to sport more than just a great body or a pretty face for me to find them attractive.

I realize I'm not in the majority with this mindset, and have been told many, many times throughout the years by friends and coaching clients that it's unreasonable to think physicality doesn't matter when it comes to meeting someone. See, I agree, but want to put it out there that there's more than just oh-my-gawd-he's-so-hot-I'm-going-to-puke-right-now-if-I-look-him-in-the-eye to a dating relationship. There has to be for it to have legs, and thus, why I urge you to focus more on people that (a) appreciate more than just your physical beauty, and (b) take on the same behavior yourself.

For those of you who feel I haven't answered Rachel's question, I'll give you one more tidbit that may or may not be helpful: there are few things more attractive than confidence. Work on any self-doubts you have, find your inner spark, cultivate a cheerful mindset, and make yourself happy, and men of all kinds will flock to you.

What do you think, dear readers? Is there some magic thing you can do to make a "hot" guy talk to you, or interested in pursuing something? Have you done it, and if so, how? Or, do you disagree with my advice entirely, and think we should all strive for something different?

_{Related: New Law of Attraction? Have Them Come To You, Physical Attraction Makes Us Less Able To Make A Good Impression, Is He Interested? Quiz, How Much Do Looks Matter?, Peacocking, Zsa Zsa Zu.}

How Do I Get Him To Talk To Me? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Friday, May 18th, 2012 at 03:57:15.

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A single friend of mine is down in the dumps. He's miserable, angry, frustrated, you name it - and it shows. So when he asked me today why no one wanted to meet him off a dating site, I paused before answering.

Because in my opinion? Mood does affect one's attractiveness. Without question.

A number of years ago I did something I've since labeled my smiling experiment, where I spent an evening sharing my 100-watt smile to everyone I encountered on a busy weekend night. Prior to my very non-scientific test, I was in a similar head space as my friend. I couldn't attract someone for the life of me and it was really starting to get to me. So instead of moping about it, I went out and tried something new. I genuinely smiled. At everyone. Even though I really didn't feel like it, and even though (at the time) I felt horrible about myself. Within two hours my mood had changed dramatically - and with it, my attractiveness meter skyrocketed.

With that story in mind, I wanted to tell my friend that all he had to do was change his mood. Somehow, he had to start feeling better about himself before he'd be attractive again. "Try some Wii Boxing," I suggested initially, thinking the endorphin rush would assist him in feeling better while still remaining tactful. He did, and it helped, but he was still frustrated - so I decided to share my smiling experiment trick. "Go for a walk and smile at everyone you encounter. I don't care who they are or what they are doing, just give them a smile that would light up any room, and then continue on your way. Don't ask for anything, don't linger, just smile and keep on walking. Then call me when you get back."

My friend hasn't called me back yet, so I'm hoping that my tactic worked for him as well as its worked for me. But I'm curious: do you find that your mood affects your attractiveness? If so, what do you do to change it?

_{Related: Attract Someone Myths, Why Can't I Create Chemistry?, How Low Self Esteem Affects Dating Relationships.}

How Much Does Mood Affect Your Attractiveness? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Wednesday, May 16th, 2012 at 00:02:45.

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Peach asks: "The other night my boyfriend started joking around about having a threesome with me. I laughed and told him sarcastically why not but I was joking too and I thought he knew that. Now he won't stop talking about it, asking me if I find this woman or that woman attractive and so forth. I have no idea how to tell him it's never gonna happen now. Help?"

Bonny's answer: You've run up against a definite difference between how men and women communicate. Without getting too stereotypical, let me say that when most men 'joke' about a threesome, they aren't joking. They're testing you to see if you're able, willing and/or interested.

This isn't to say that every guy wants a threesome with his girlfriend or partner. Some do, some don't. Some just like the idea that they might have one, or want to fantasize with their lover about the possibility. If he's truly joking around and has no intention of trying to make the idea a reality, only then would I say have some fun and play along. He knows that the majority of heterosexual women aren't into threesomes; he just wants you to support his fantasy.

Having said that, your guy has started to take further steps towards making the dream a reality. If you're truly not interested at all in sharing him sexually with another woman, then it's time for some firmness. There's no beating around the bush here. The next time he brings up anything threesome-related, let him know in no uncertain terms you're not interested. Pause, look him in the eye, maybe even touch his arm gently, and say, "I know you're really excited about the idea of a threesome, but nothing in this world could convince me it's something I want. I don't mind hearing about your fantasies or even getting a bit playful with them, but a threesome will never be anything but imaginary for me." Cater the words to suit your personality and situation, but make the message the same. He'll stop asking you or pushing for answers, even if he doesn't stop thinking about it.

What say you, dear readers? What would you say if you were Peaches? Have you been in this, or a similar situation? What did you do?

_{Related: Male / Female Sexual Desires and the 'Threesome', All About Sexual Fantasy, Get Dating Help, Couples Communication Quiz.}

My Boyfriend Wants a Threesome Dating Question originally appeared on About.com Dating on Tuesday, May 15th, 2012 at 00:08:40.

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